I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
