my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
