found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
