and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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