I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize