Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
