i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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