She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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