I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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