Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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