I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
