today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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