I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Randomize
