her vagine was all disorganized.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
