shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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