And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
