you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
