Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize