Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
