I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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