If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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