omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
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