What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
