Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
