I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Randomize
