i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
