I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
