last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize