I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
