did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
