there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
