So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
