Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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