Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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