i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
