Is it normal to miss your booty call?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
