He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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