i think i have two assholes
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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