Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
