i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
