My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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