I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she was so not down for the gang bang
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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