Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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