Nicole vs. Life
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
