Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
