I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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