Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
