the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
