I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
