I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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