soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
