But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
