i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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