why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
