Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
