I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
