didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
