She's JV to your varsity
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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