i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize