He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
