dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
