Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
