I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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