I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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