i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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