I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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