God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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