Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Everything about him screamed your future.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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