whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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