so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She told me I should be a condom model.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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