I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
