Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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