I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm like, not good at living.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
