The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
