She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
