saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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