ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
