just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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