i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
