Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
People in love make me want to vomit
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
