Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
