3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Sober January is a disaster.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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