just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
