I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
