You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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