there's paper in my vomit.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
