NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
