too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
