I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
