Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize